i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
