How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
