My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
