That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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