Tell her she can't have a vagina
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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