Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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