I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
