Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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