apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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