bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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