I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
