Your tits are I can't wait for
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
