yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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