we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
