You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
