Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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