we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So squirting runs in the family.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
