I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
