he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
