I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
