Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
