just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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