I can text with my tongue
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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