I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
