I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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