Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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