She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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