what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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