Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
