what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
