Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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