I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
