Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need to calm my uterus...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
