Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
