Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
