Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
