I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
