smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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