I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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