Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
