He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
