all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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