so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
