Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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