no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
