Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
