So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
