I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
