I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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