Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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